my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
