No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
