Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize