Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
