ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
