Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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