We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I believe in your delicious
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
