Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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