I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
