omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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