First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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