Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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