my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize