Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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