i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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