I'm so fucking centered right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They are going to name an STD after you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
