i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
