I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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