Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
