conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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