if you like me you must not know who I am
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
