Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a beard to bite.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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