is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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