The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
