thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
