I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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