My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
