the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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