Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
