I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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