Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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