there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize