my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
