This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
