I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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