I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
