Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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