you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
