I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
