Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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