i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this will be a night to untag.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
