my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
