Welp...herpes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
