He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
