How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
