Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
