She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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