My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
