no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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