I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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