Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
