WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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