Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize