i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
