girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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