he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
