Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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