do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
