Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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