You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
