At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize