john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
