I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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