3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
