Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
