you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
