You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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