Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
