it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
