I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize