If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
