Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
