and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
