i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize