I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
