my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
