He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
