You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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