So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
