Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
