I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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