i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
