the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
