You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
