i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
