You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
