We won't sleep together?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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