so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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