You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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