I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
