Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
