I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
