You really coming over, don't trick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
