i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
