This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
