??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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