when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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